breakfast with grandpa

• George, when I got up, you had bossed grandpa into getting cereal for you.  You're always so ravenous in the mornings.  You ate two huge bowls of Cheerios.  You love to sit in that little old fashioned highchair beside grandpa and tease him.  I love how you call him "Gwampa Jimmy" all the time.
• Jane, you're still working so hard on a drawing each day.  You're starting to expand your horizons.  You learned how to draw crystals today.  They looked really good!
• Grandma and I went to Lone Butte to go to the antique store there.  It's quite a great little shop.  Lots of interesting stuff and each piece was labelled with an informative tag about where it came from and misc information.  Very fun to read those because so many times I have no clue what I'm looking at when I go to an antique shop.  We also stopped in at the little cafe there and had a drink and a visit.
• As we were finishing up at the cafe, we saw daddy parking at the Lone Butte store.  It was funny to run into him downtown Lone Butte.
• When we arrived home the whole house was full of smoke.  Jane, you had turned the oven on to preheat and hadn't realized that Grandma and Grandpa store their frying pans in the oven.  Trust me...you're not the first person to do that.  Even though I know they do that, I always forget about it.
• Jane, you made dinner for us tonight.  And of course, you made your famous chicken pot pie.  It was the best one yet.  So delicious.  I love how you take your work so seriously and do such a great job.  You even let me help you today!  You asked me to roll out the tops of the pies because things were taking a bit longer than you had expected.
• Lila, you have been busy gathering shells at the lake for your "keywection" (collection).  There are so many this year.  I've never seen them like that before.  Maybe it has something to do with the fires or something?  Very interesting.  The entire shore of the lake is lined with burnt pine needles that have floated in the air from the fires burning all around.  The nearest fire is 20 miles from here, so they've travelled quite a distance.  
• I thought a lot today about forgiveness.  When I was younger I thought I could just say sorry and then I would be forgiven.  Or someone could apologize to me and I would forgive and forget.  But in my old age, I think true forgiveness comes just as slowly as the hurt came.  The words do matter, but not as much as the actions that come after the words.  Apologies are a great starting point.  But the hurt needs to be processed and acknowledged and then let go.  I've learned this through experience.  Super crappy experience.  It's really difficult to be vulnerable enough to face your own hurt or the hurt you've caused others, but until you do, you'll be stuck in anger and resentment.  It's no way to live.
• It's also possible to forgive someone even if they don't ask for it, but it's a process of mourning the loss and letting go, and moving on.  I've had to do that, and it took a while, but I can honestly say that I've let it go.   I pouted and felt sorry for myself.  I got angry.  I felt the loss deeply.  I grieved it.  And then, when I had allowed myself to feel all the things I needed to feel, I was able to let it go.  I can't control anyone but myself.  Being angry and resentful is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.  
• You guys are going to be hurt.  People you love will do and say crappy things that feel like a knife stabbing you through the heart. You are going to hurt others.   People do weird stuff when they're hurt or scared or lonely.  You're going to do weird stuff when you're hurt or scared or lonely.  But don't shy away from it.  Ask for forgiveness and listen and do better.  Let others ask for forgiveness and be vulnerable with them, and give them a chance to do better.