throw in

• Katie, I have never been more proud of you.  Seriously.  You faced a BIG fear last week and it paid big dividends today.  I'm going to tell the whole story here so that you can remember how courageous and strong you are.  
• Last week at your soccer tournament, you had a really hard time because your new coach yells a LOT, and he's really loud.  You felt flustered and scared and anxious.  We talked about it after the tournament and talked about your options.  You had three, as far as I was concerned.  You could quit, but you don't want to do that because you love soccer.  You could suck it up and leave it in the past, but you were too pissed off to do that.  You could talk to him about it, but you didn't want to do that.  
• On Tuesday before your practice we talked about it again.  Your assistant coach (Mike) had called me that morning to see how you were because he had noticed how upset you were at the end of the last game.  He said that a lot of parents had talked to him (Mike) about it...but hadn't approached the head coach.  I thought about it all day and decided to encourage you to talk to your coach.  I could have talked to him for you, but I thought he would probably listen more to you than me and it would be an opportunity for you to advocate for yourself and experience setting boundaries.   I could see that you thought that was the best thing to do, but you were just so scared to do it.  You were afraid because he's a big loud man who yells.  I don't blame you for being scared.  You hate confrontation and you would rather hide and avoid (like most of us!).
• You wrote a letter because you wanted to be able to read something so you wouldn't forget anything you wanted to say.  It was a beautiful letter.  You apologized for letting your team down last weekend, you expressed your feelings, and you asked for what you needed.  
• I stood beside you as you talked to him before practice.  You began crying before you even started reading, but you took a deep breath and put your shoulders back and read it to him.  He apologized to you and said that he doesn't want that to be the tone of your team and he will do better.  It was amazing!!!!!!  I was so proud of you. My heart was bursting with love.  You faced your fear, you confronted him instead of shrinking away from the discomfort.  You took back your power.  You stood up for yourself.  You let him know where your boundaries were.  And you did it all in a kind, sensitive, sweet way.  
• Anyway, back to today.  You played your heart out.  Over that last few years we've noticed that you tend to hang back a bit, but today you were in the game 100%.  You played hard, and it seemed as though your hesitation and fear has melted away.  You looked determined and strong and sure of yourself.  You dominated the field.  It made me want to cry.  You faced your fear and you won!  Please please please remember this day.  Please read this over and over any time you experience fear.  YOU ARE STRONG.  YOU ARE BRAVE.  YOU CAN DO IT.  You proved it this week.  Don't shrink away from things that feel too big.  They're not.  You got this!