jane

• George, you were the only one up for quite a while this morning.  The sun was shining bright and the day felt full of possibility.  You were adorable, and I couldn't help but photograph you
• Lila, you woke up next.  Your eyes.  Oh boy, your eyes.  Right from the moment you were born, your eyes have been full of curiosity, wonder, intelligence and deep thought.  They are so dark, they are almost black, and shiny and big and beautiful
• We went to a drop in gym time with my friend Kim and her daughter.  George, you were most interested in basketball.  You're working hard on learning to dribble the ball a few times before you take a shot.  There was a big bouncy ball with two handles to hold onto while you bounce.  George, you took one look at it and cracked up and asked me if the handles were "weinas"  Oh my gosh.  You're hilarious.  And now that's all I see when I look at that photo of Lila
• The ball pit was a big hit.  Baby soup
• Katie, you had a game up at Heritage Mountain today.  It didn't rain!  It's the first soccer related thing we've been to in a long time where it didn't rain.  You looked pretty sleepy during the first half, then magically, you woke up and kicked butt in the second half.  Your new cleats gave you a huge blister on your big toe.  Ouch!
• Jane, you've pretty much been plugged in and tuned out for a few days now.  You missed school on Thursday and Friday and you have spent nearly the entire time on your bed, with your phone.  It kills me.  I gave you the option of coming to soccer with me, or going out to take photos in the evening.  I though for sure you'd choose soccer, but you decided you'd like to do pictures.  I was surprised.  We went up to the corner of Mariner and Austin because I had noticed the grass was new and green and lovely.  Then we crossed the street into Riverview forest.  It's hard to believe we live so close to so many good spots.  We ended the photo session in the walkway beside our building.  The light there is always so lovely.  Lila tagged along with us and gave you various posing tips as we went along.  It was super helpful
• Whenever I take photos of you girls, I let you choose which ones get published.  It's interesting for me to watch you go through them and discard or keep certain images.  We rarely choose the same ones
• On our pho date daddy and I were talking about what it actually means to be "in love."  I read a book recently, and the concept of being in love wasn't a feeling, but rather an emotional "place" where, if I bring all of my real true self to a relationship, and the other person meets me there with their real true self, and we accept and celebrate the good, bad and the ugly of each other, then that is where love is.  We are in a place called love.   A place where it's safe to be real, authentic and vulnerable.  It's an interesting thought
• We also talked about me and the types of relationships I crave.  I figure I have three people in this world who I feel safe with, where I don't need to put on a mask or persona.  I can just be myself.  I wish I had more.  Daddy thinks I'm awfully lucky to have found three.  I feel like I have the capacity to be feel vulnerable and safe with lots of people, and to provide a space for others to be vulnerable and safe.  But how do i go about finding these people?  Do I ask them on a date and tell them what I'm looking for in a friend and see if they're interested?  How do I move from a superficial relationship to a deeper one?  I'm not good at faking it.  I wear my thoughts and feelings on my face and in my eyes.  I can't hide it.  I have a low tolerance for inauthenticity.  I'd rather know the horrible, awful real you, than the glossy fake representative most people present to the world.  Maybe I should put an ad on Craigslist :)